The 4th class. This week's subject is Husband/Partner/the Ex.
I don't think my hubby and I has a serious problem, so keep a light mood in class.
When we discuss husbands or the relationship we used to experience, I told Teacher that in the marriage, hubby won't be a problem to me, but MIL bothers me the most. She keeps asking me to have a son to carry on family name. In fact, I mentioned MIL issue once when I came to the 1st or the 2nd class, I really want to get ride of her because she is not the one I care, how should her words afffect my mind, dominate my life? That time, teacher told me to draw a photo of us, just 4 people, hubby, me and 2 girls circled by pink circle. I did it but it did not help at all. I still hates/dislikes MIL.
Today, MIL issue bumps out my mouth again. I always think MIL should skip having a son issue since I told them I don't want to give a birth anymore, and hubby told his mother that we're totally fine with 2 girls in our life. , or she should give me a break because I am "TOO OLD TO HAVE A BABY" anymore but she seems nonstop. She still mentioned it to me several times during this Mid-Autumn Festival holiday. I thought I can't put it down because of her replay all the time. After the 4th class, I finally found the root of problem. It is not MIL fault.
In fact, it is complications in my mind. I thank MIL for being independent and take good care of herself so we can live the way we like in Taipei. I felt gratitude for her to travelling so often, which means she is healthy old lady with her own social life. I appreciate her for taking care / love momoko. I thank her for stay in Kaohsiung for Hubby and her grand child have a place to go, they could tell us we go to grandpa's house. But I hate her for following reasons:
1. never saying thing straight. (Talk Art? bullshit)
2. always treat her 2nd daughter as a VVIP. (of course, she helps MIL a lot)
3. making my mom's leg broken..
4. did not take good care of momoko as good as my mother took care of nanako. 5. did not paying when I delivered a baby..
6. My mother's MIL issue cause my trauma because I listen to mother's repeat hundreds and thousands of times.
7. Keeps talking to me to have a son to carry family name.
8. give me hard time when we newly marriage.
9. When I was sick, her response are totally different than her action... (never be expect an MIL like a mother which really hurt my feeling).
10. so stingy.
My mother's MIL issue. -- Mom, I knew you're suffering in these bad experiences. I understood how hard it was for you to live in a new environment at 19 years old with a new born baby and no hubby around. It is so difficult for young girl for not have enough resting and do a lot of extra works for in law. I knew the poor of grandpa (your father) made you so shame and your MIL never treated you equally like they treat other brother, sister and sis. in law. They always told that their kids are well educated, so you are shamed for only completion of Elementary school studying. And they made you to do so much routine errands and restriction of freedom and finance made you want to escape. You had the courage to escape MIL house and took all of us to move to Luzhu. You're so brave and we're so lucy to have you. I know having a son to carry family name is a burden and very stressful for you, so Grandpa took you to God and wishing God gave you a son, but just one son. If you have two sons, there's only one could survive. Under stress of having 2nd son, you have me. You're so happy that I am girl so you could keep big bro. forever. I knew you're suffering so much, we used to tell you that you should put your anger down because all suffers are past, and useless to carry them in your life. We forgot to heal your pain by hugging you and forgot to tell you "you must be very painful". You could cry if it would help you somewhere, we're here with you. We forgot to hug you when you needs a support or comfort. You're doing so well, so brave. I am so sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I always always love you so much.
Dear Little Kechun, I am sorry for having you carry mom's MIL problem to your life, and carry it to your marriage. Mother's unhappy memory is so meaningful to you, but I did not aware of it. I knew you'r unhappy if mother was unhappy. If it starts over again, I want to tell you it is okay, you deserve a better life without disturbing by mother's sad feeling/memory. You're so blessed girl with mother and grandpa's love around you and protect you. Now I want to hug you and say sorry to you, I did not take good care of you for reducing the stress from you and leading you to focus on the thing you're interested in. To apology, I would like to give you a candy as gift to compenate you.
I don't think my hubby and I has a serious problem, so keep a light mood in class.
When we discuss husbands or the relationship we used to experience, I told Teacher that in the marriage, hubby won't be a problem to me, but MIL bothers me the most. She keeps asking me to have a son to carry on family name. In fact, I mentioned MIL issue once when I came to the 1st or the 2nd class, I really want to get ride of her because she is not the one I care, how should her words afffect my mind, dominate my life? That time, teacher told me to draw a photo of us, just 4 people, hubby, me and 2 girls circled by pink circle. I did it but it did not help at all. I still hates/dislikes MIL.
Today, MIL issue bumps out my mouth again. I always think MIL should skip having a son issue since I told them I don't want to give a birth anymore, and hubby told his mother that we're totally fine with 2 girls in our life. , or she should give me a break because I am "TOO OLD TO HAVE A BABY" anymore but she seems nonstop. She still mentioned it to me several times during this Mid-Autumn Festival holiday. I thought I can't put it down because of her replay all the time. After the 4th class, I finally found the root of problem. It is not MIL fault.
In fact, it is complications in my mind. I thank MIL for being independent and take good care of herself so we can live the way we like in Taipei. I felt gratitude for her to travelling so often, which means she is healthy old lady with her own social life. I appreciate her for taking care / love momoko. I thank her for stay in Kaohsiung for Hubby and her grand child have a place to go, they could tell us we go to grandpa's house. But I hate her for following reasons:
1. never saying thing straight. (Talk Art? bullshit)
2. always treat her 2nd daughter as a VVIP. (of course, she helps MIL a lot)
3. making my mom's leg broken..
4. did not take good care of momoko as good as my mother took care of nanako. 5. did not paying when I delivered a baby..
7. Keeps talking to me to have a son to carry family name.
8. give me hard time when we newly marriage.
9. When I was sick, her response are totally different than her action... (never be expect an MIL like a mother which really hurt my feeling).
10. so stingy.
After making up this list, I found out the root of problem. I misunderstood what I'm really anger with, MIL is not the subject to be blamed for, I could totally ingore her when my mom was still alive. No matter what MIL said, these words never came to my mind. I won't carry her words to my life. When mother past away, I put my anger to MIL and hate her so much. Sorry, please forgive me, thank you, and I love you! Actaully, I carried my mother issue of MIL pressure to my 9 years marriage. I wants to avoid same mistakes that my mom made, till now, I found I live with most of these mistake and regreats for my mother's sake. I loves my mother so much that I don't think I should be punished and if I suffered for mom, mom would be less stressful. Oh, my God, what a foolish I am. It is not a "LOVE"!!! it is a "sick behavior"...
My mother's MIL issue. -- Mom, I knew you're suffering in these bad experiences. I understood how hard it was for you to live in a new environment at 19 years old with a new born baby and no hubby around. It is so difficult for young girl for not have enough resting and do a lot of extra works for in law. I knew the poor of grandpa (your father) made you so shame and your MIL never treated you equally like they treat other brother, sister and sis. in law. They always told that their kids are well educated, so you are shamed for only completion of Elementary school studying. And they made you to do so much routine errands and restriction of freedom and finance made you want to escape. You had the courage to escape MIL house and took all of us to move to Luzhu. You're so brave and we're so lucy to have you. I know having a son to carry family name is a burden and very stressful for you, so Grandpa took you to God and wishing God gave you a son, but just one son. If you have two sons, there's only one could survive. Under stress of having 2nd son, you have me. You're so happy that I am girl so you could keep big bro. forever. I knew you're suffering so much, we used to tell you that you should put your anger down because all suffers are past, and useless to carry them in your life. We forgot to heal your pain by hugging you and forgot to tell you "you must be very painful". You could cry if it would help you somewhere, we're here with you. We forgot to hug you when you needs a support or comfort. You're doing so well, so brave. I am so sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I always always love you so much.
Dear Little Kechun, I am sorry for having you carry mom's MIL problem to your life, and carry it to your marriage. Mother's unhappy memory is so meaningful to you, but I did not aware of it. I knew you'r unhappy if mother was unhappy. If it starts over again, I want to tell you it is okay, you deserve a better life without disturbing by mother's sad feeling/memory. You're so blessed girl with mother and grandpa's love around you and protect you. Now I want to hug you and say sorry to you, I did not take good care of you for reducing the stress from you and leading you to focus on the thing you're interested in. To apology, I would like to give you a candy as gift to compenate you.
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